2012 in a nutshell

Looking back in 2012, i realised that it has been a really challenging year for me. Year 4 is definitely one of the worse year of medical school but I am glad that I made it. All thanks to the encouragement of my close friends especially pugster, dhana and lp wai. without them, my life in dublin would have been so miserable. There would not be any form of motivation to move on and carry on with medical school. Hence guys, thank you all so so much for all you have done.

I guessed i have slowly matured in terms of relationship wise. I can so visualised yu and colin saying 'still not there dude.' Will slowly change and be a better man =) Joey and I realised that being in a relationship is quite a waste of time as once things starts to fail, we end up with nothing. sometimes, not even being able to be friends. Hence we often wonder if all the hard work is necessary. For now, no. Rather focus on my career and be one of the best doctors there is =) saving life and giving back to society is what i strive to achieve in the years to come.

2012 has been rather nasty to my bestie piggy. Definitely has not been a good year for her, lets hope that 2013 will be a better year for you yea yu? May u find loads of hot farmer's boyfriend and find the meaning of your life. I realised im hitting the same phase of life as you, and I hope that i will figure out the meaning of my life as soon as possible too. Fighting yea?

Lp wai, thanks for being so understanding and not giving up on me even though i drop loads of random nonsense at times. Glad that after all we have gone through, you did not judge or turn your back from me. I really do appreciate it and hope that we will be bestie for life if its possible =) thanks for loving me for who I am my precious, lolz.

Chin chin! haha, thanks for all the barbs items and the constant farming together thought you always say i 'smell your fart'. Those random card games event, studying at coffee bean,cooking sessions and makan session are fantastic! life back in sg would have been so much more boring should those event not happen! Thanks once again.

Alright, gonna head off for a hair cut le. 2012 has been amazing and I am really thankful to all of you guys! thanks ken, kc and wan xuan for making time for all the random last minute events that i hold. Those events are less meaningful without you guys.

Oh ya, made one special friend this time round, jia sheng. Thanks chin for introducing him, i foresee more outings as a group next time =) 

sweetest thing

I asked: ' what if one day we just lose contact suddenly?'

He went: ' hmmmm, then go find where each other are? Im the power searcher, like golem.'

All that crossed my mind was 'maybe its just not fated?' What was i thinking? Indeed he is definitely going to be 'my precious' too. LOL.

omg moment!

omg omg omg, my brother's girlfriend said 'YES' to his proposal. how happy =) hope they will always be happy and loving! =) indeed a day to remember

Stephen Hawkings documentary

The brain is the collection of particles that acts according to the law of physics. Our brain controls our behavior via electrical and chemical signals In fact; our body is like a vessel, to sustain the brain. Ever thought that our body could just be a projection of our brain, meaning it actually does not exist. Everything that is experienced is actually determined by the brain? This leads to an interesting theory, the simulation theory.

The simulation theory, also known as the simulated reality, is one in which our conscious minds may or may not be aware that they are living in a simulated world. This is a skeptical theory, which I find it really intriguing. It implies that the vegetable soup that I consumed 30 minutes ago may just be a sequence of code. It is the desire of my brain to consume food which manifested the vegetable soup and the feeling of fullness is not because of the food itself, but because the craving of the brain is being fulfilled. Doesn’t this correlate with the fact that once we do not answer a specific craving, other cravings come to haunt us?

In the programme, the butterfly effect was brought up. In a nutshell, it means that a small variable would actually lead to a large difference in the later stage. It got its name as it is derived from a theoretical example if a hurricane’s formation is contingent on whether or not a distant butterfly flapped its wings several weeks before.  In my opinion, this is a theory that we always encounter in our daily life. I am sure that there are moments where you go ‘ wa heng sia, heng I did  (something) so now I am able to handle this situation’ Something that was once viewed as insignificant actually helped us in achieving our goals in the end. Such beautiful theory has a darker side, which is, if we do not set things right from the start, we are most likely gonna fail at the end. Hence the saying, failing to plan = planning to fail. How true.

It was also postulated that the meaning of life is just a piece of model of reality that we each build in our mind. We believe in what we think as possible. An example from the programme: There is a table in the room and when we leave the room and close the door, the table is ‘gone’. What we believe is that the table is stationary and will still be there when we get back. But… is there a possibility that the table has flown off the window, rotated around the earth once and goes back to the original position at the moment we open the door of the room? ‘siao ah’ must be going through your mind. It went through mine too but when you think about it, anything could have happened at that period of time. We believe that the table is stationary because that theory fits perfectly with what we always accept as a reality. So is that a true reality or just a model of reality in our brains?

Physics is amazing. It is and will always be around us no matter how much one hates physics. This brought back the memory of me discussing the beauty of quantum physics with a friend of mine who did physics in TCD for 2 years before changing to medicine. Embrace physics, embrace life =)

Partial reflection

Many of us have progressed to the next stage of our lives, the working phase. Everyone is busy, they have their own commitments. I am really thankful to those who took time off specially for me. Thanks for making me feel love and appreciated. To those people, thank you once again, i really do appreciate it.

Thank you david for taking time off for me. It is really sweet of you to bring damion to my home when i was sick without even me asking. Damion is an important part of my life and I am glad you acknowledge it and always offer to let mion spend time with me. =) Finally, after a long while, we had our long awaited morning breakfast and it was fantastic. The ride home was really fast, probably cause time flies when we are having fun. I hope we will still be in contact and I wish you all the best my friend. Mion mion baby i love you! =)

Time flies, will be going back in about a week time. Trying to treasure my time here with all my close friends. Thanks chin, yu, ken, kacie, wanxuan and colin for making time for me =) Thanks chin for always pei-ing me mug in coffee bean, ai si ni le! =) Lets hope that all these gatherings will still continue even as we age! We are meeting tomorrow and I am so excited about it!

Spent a month with joey, wasn't an easy month for me but everything turned out well. Never did i know I would be experiencing joey withdrawal symptoms when he left. I guessed we spent too much time together and I felt rather 'alone' when he is gone. Hmmm, i wonder if he feels the same too? After our fun night out together, we realised the importance of one another in our lives. Though lao po may be a pain in the ass sometimes, he has his really sweet moments which constantly reminds me to not give up on him. 'Hon wei, please do not get disheartened by me' he said. 'Lp i won't' i replied. A promise was made, and I willing to stick to it. Bros forever lp!

Yvonne is one interesting character. Both chin and I named her wan xuan number 2. I am glad that she integrated well into my group of friends =) I seem to be able to talk to her about everything, well, not really EVERYTHING unlike my bestie piggy who knows so many of my dark secrets! =) Yloh has matured and I am certain that she is ready to date a guy soon. Lets see who that lucky guy will be =)

All in all, i really loved my 5 weeks back in SG. Many lessons were learnt and I have finally moved on in many aspects of my life. Lets all grow and mature together alright? Love you guys so so so much.

'I dont miss you, i miss who you used to be. And all of our memories'. People change, priority differs. I hope you guys wont change ><

你

而我已经分不清，你是友情，还是错过的爱情？ 


我很想知道，你是何时空降到第一名的？ 

Tired

It sucks so much when others have such high expectation from you and you know that it's impossible to meet those expectations. Confidence. Where are you? Are you still waiting outside my door? =(

好朋友

男女之间是没有纯友谊的？

Was watching In time with you (which is a brilliant drama =)) and this topic was brought up. It set me thinking, wondering if this is true? For about a week, I have been giving pondering over this issue and I think i came to a conclusion. 

In life, how likely is it for one to meet a 知音？To find someone of the same frequency and infinite topics to gossip about is indeed a rare occurrence. In simple statistics, it's defined as P value less than 0.05. 

I suppose the reason why friend-zone exist is probably due to the fear of losing 你最好的朋友。友情是比爱情牢固的。 I can't imagine living in a world without my best female
besties now. 因为你们我的生命变的跟多姿多彩。我真的无法想象自己活在一个没有你们的城市里。
因为有了你们，就算下再大的雨，这城市也很美丽。

2 of my besties are not having the best time of their lives right now. I suppose there is nothing 
much I can do but to just be there for them and hopefully be a shoulder which they can lean on 
when the need arises? 

Her 1: I believe in you, probably more than you believe in yourself. Stay strong and do not let this 
cruel society devour the girl that i am really fond of. Stay strong and 帅哥will always be there for
you.

Her2: There are times when life seems to be a pain in the ass. I always believe that things 
happen for a reason. As for now, do your best and know you can make it through all the 
difficulties. Having a face filled with disappointment and deep thoughts just dont suit u will :p
Probably a B and J for celebration some time soon?

ps: Her2 sounds like a tumor receptor expressed in some breast cancer. LOL! I cant stop laughing
 at this uncanny coincidence.

Take care all my besties! I love you guys lots lots

an eye opener

This particular tweet totally summed up how i feel today. ' Unfortunately, our generation is full of liars , cheaters and pretenders.' @Life Facts.

To me, friends are suppose to help one another in time of need. Will you be exhilarated that your friend is underperforming because of YOU?! Life is complex, and so is human nature. When you think you someone, it may turn out that you are completely wrong.

' No one can be trusted' said piggy. The old me would beg to differ, unfortunately, I nodded and agreed.

Btw..

Incredible night

Had an incredible night today. The DJ at the club was fantastic and I even sent a picture of the DJ to piggy! =) He is one DJ that does not just play the top 40 songs, but old songs that are really impressive. He is really outstanding, best DJ in dublin for the past 5 years. Thanks for the night Mr DJ.

The Dj played many songs that brought back loads of memories. When he played songs like 'on the floor', it reminded the crazy days me and piggy had when we went clubbing. When 'bounce' was played, i thought of dhana as he was the one who recommended this song to me in the club. He was so fun last time, but he changed. people change i suppose, maybe for the better.

I saw a loner in the club today. I suggested that we should just say hi and make friends as I am sure that will make his sucky day slightly better. Unfortunately,  my friend said that 'he is nasty looking' and he does not want to say hi to him. My heart literally sank. I never wanted to hang out with popular kids, i like people who are being themselves and accept themselves for who they are. We could have make his day slightly better but superficiality took the better of us. My heart sank when we left him. I took a last glance and muttered a sorry in my heart. ' he deserves better friends' I said.

5 long years. I wonder if you really know who I am. Instead, do i know you? The perplexity has overwhelmed me, I need to sleep. NIght guys and Hi bed.

I believe

Woohooo, finally found this song! Time flies, it has been 8 years already?! This was the song that kept me through Junior College and when I am down. Love it loads, good songs will never be out of fashion =)

Ever felt that you were dreaming just to find yourself awake? Let's do our best =) Fighting!

The perks of being a wallflower

Watched the perks of being a wallflower today. To me, it is a really meaningful film and it puts some perspective into my life. I have never been the popular kid and will never be. Fortunately, I was never the kid that is constantly being left out. This film reminded me of my secondary school days where people were being ostracized and given names just because they are different. The inability to conform to social norms results in constant bullying and unpopularity. I feel sorry for them but deep down I know that I will never be able to understand what they really go through, as I have never been in their shoes. Unfortunately, one of my friends did go through such nonsense and I am glad that he shared it with me. The anger, frustration and melancholy that radiated from him was so intense that I cant help but feel sorry for him. I realized that besides sympathy, he deserves at least a true friend and I hope that is what I am to him.

The main character said this ‘So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.’ Honestly, I am really glad to have everything that I possess now. Loving and supporting family, brilliant friends, not having to worry about financial constrains and being a medical student- what more to ask for?  Certain aspect of my life is filled with perplexity which I suppose requires time to set things straight. It is not going to be a walk in the park but I know I have to have them sorted out. Hopefully, the day when I can proudly tell the world that I am off the hook will come really soon.

One of my favorite quote from the movie is ‘we accept the love we think we deserve.’  For now, thank you all for all the love and support. For those that I once love or once loved me, thanks. Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad. ‘All that we go through will all be stories some day, but right now we are alive, and in this moment I swear we are infinite!’ Fighting guys!

Ps: I hope that everything will go well for you mr murphy and I know u deserve someone better! Looking forward to our next meeting! By then I hope you will be sharing happy news with me with that attractive accent of you. Have always looked up to you since year 2, stay strong and blessed be my friend. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aog8680PVmU

                                

London/Dublin

Arrived at London at 5 am in the morning. I was welcomed by the cooling wind that never existed in Singapore. The air is indeed different; it reeks of uncertainty that is accompanied by the thrill of exploration.

On flight BA0012, I was seated in between an Asian guy and a really pretty American girl whom I failed to remember her name, as usual. The whole flight seemed pretty short as I slept through most of it, besides waking up for food! =) Why waste food when I paid for it yea? (a really convenient excuse to consume food and not feel guilty, problem is…. It always works!) Amazingly, I slept through a crying baby (ewww to the max) and the constant nudging from both passengers beside me. Bravo to myself.

Currently, I am dining at Wetherspoon (a café in London airport). Ordered an Iced Americano and the lady gave me a weird stare. She said ‘ I give u Americano but I put ice in it ya?’ I nearly let out a burst of laughter, isn’t that what the name suggest? Soon reality hit me, I am no longer in an Asian country where it’s really common for consumers to order iced Americano. Anyways, I am happily sipping away my 8 kcal while typing away; I think I have burnt most of the calories already! =)

Unfortunately, I have to take a later flight back to Dublin as my luggage could not be checked in on time for the connecting flight. Hence, I have the time to pen down my thoughts =) in the next 3 hours, I will be in Dublin. I should be excited, but I’m not. I wonder why…

Looking around, I am starting to appreciate all the staff in the airport as they make every flight and connection as smooth sailing as possible. Just this morning, I received so much help from the airport staffs as AL changed their policy in the issuing of the boarding pass (which is really confusing to be honest). Once again kamsahamnida to everyone that made my flight less ‘scary’.

Finally, I am in my 5^th year. Time flies, it really does. Fortunately, friends do not move on like time, besties stay with you for life (or that is what I hope!). Thanks for sending me off at the airport guys, it must be really tiring for you guys to be sending me off every time I am leaving Singapore. Really appreciate it guys! Some make an effort to come regardless of their busy schedule, ji gan dong y ixia xia di gua! =) thanks chin for the super do not ‘feet’ me note book and thanks YU for such a great summer traveling to kimchi land which would not be possible without you!

Alright, time to head to the boarding gate. All the best guys, for those who are doing business, HUAT AH! For those who are studying…. Jia you! Hope u can find the right path soon piggy =) TTFN and see you guys in about 2 months time?! Now im excited!  

ps: this is a delayed post! heading off to waterford for sub internship... no wireless which means no d3! =( life sucks but i have take it like a man! 

the search is on

I seem to have lost myself this year. The focus and the motivation to carry on with things i do. I am becoming more self centered and easily annoyed. I desperately seek the answer to why this is happening. Unfortunately, nothing seems to make sense.

Mum commented today that i have been acting strange lately. This was further supported by my sister who claims that i have been rather emotional these few days too. =(. Honestly, seem disconnected with my emotions, could this be a defense mechanism which i have adopted unknowingly? It's really scary, and truthfully, I am getting rather freaked out.

On a positive note, electives are coming to and end and my dear piggy overcome one of her worse nightmare =) congrats once again and i am really proud of u! jin power yi xia xia di gua!

I suppose i should spend more time at work. Occupy myself with all the work so i wont have any time to think of unnecessary stuff. I certainly hope that everything will be fine and I will be able to find the real me.

Lost a game in dota 2 today. Quite a bad defeat on my side. Oh well, we win and lose some i suppose. Who knows i will be winning all the games tomorrow =) LIKE A BOSS

good night world, clear my mind please, i beg...

ps: cant wait for Friday as i can finally leave SG and get my mind sorted out! =) best of all, im gonna do it with piggy =) happy happy

what do i really want?

what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want?

i have no answer. I am simply staring at the wall....... i suck

Inochi

Inochi! =) She grew that much within 3 weeks! What a pretty girl she is no? This morning, she came scratching on my door, wanting to come into my room. When i opened the door, she immediately jumped onto me! Such an adorable baby isn't she? Unfortunately, she has irritable bowel disease and has to be on some rather costly diet. Oh well, not a legitimate reason to abandon her i would say =)

Just moments ago, she was waiting outside my door. I was really taken aback when I saw her. She is definitely a gem I found, love her loads! =)

Gosh, exams are around the corner. Super stress. Looks like i won't be able to complete my revision on time. Damn! 


ps: Thank you dunboyne surgery for all that you have given me. Really appreciate it. Missing all the doctors and staff loads! =) <3

I wonder as I wander

18 weeks has passed, year 4 is coming to an end. This is an eventful year, filled with ups and downs. This is definitely the worst year so far, one filled with self doubts. I continued questioning myself along the way, am i good enough? Thankfully, GP ended with a blast and it definitely lifted my confidence by a little. many things have changed. There are times when I hope that things can go back to how it was initially, but i suppose it is no longer possible. I miss you guys =) <3 翻飞了往事 有时灼伤眼眸

5/02/12

Last day in labour ward, last baby delivered. Jack is his name. Thanks and we will never forget you was what they said. my sucky week got way better. =)

010212

Olivia, my first baby delivered via spontaneous vaginal delivery. A really pretty gal. =)

CNY EVE

Bleah, feeling so homesick this CNY eve. I wanna be home, i wanna be where i belong! I wanna go to giant with chin 2 days before CNY, i want to be able to gather around the hot pot having dinner and light chat with my family members. I wanna enter the year of dragon with my close friends and family, so many things that i wanna do this CNY eve but i just can't. This feeling sucks! I need to rant, i wanna go home, now...

Mummy said ' tonights dinner was over really quickly, why are u not back with us baby boy?' Gosh it made me so emotional~ I miss my mummy!!!!!!!! and my dad, my sis and my irritating brothers!

Oh well, lets hope that the year of the dragon will bring us all happiness, fortune and loads of good luck =) Miss you guys loads and am so looking forward to spending more CNY with you guys. =)