If only... i can do more

Addiction, something that grips onto you really tight, and never wanting to let you go. ever. There are many kind of addiction, ranging from something really insignificant to something that can send a person's life into limbo. How can one escape from its ruthless grip? Even if a solution is available, can one be able to use it? Life is not fair, cliche but with every second of my life, i appreciate it more.

I finally encounter a case where addition really destroyed a once really beautiful family. 'He is definitely the best husband in the world, he comes back to eat and make sure he doesnt stay out late everyday, which husband makes such an effort?' she said. That smile, so warm, filled with so much love when she recollected the memories of their happy days, I couldnt help but smiled along too. All was good until alcohol addiction kicked in due to depression. Why? Of all people, why them? I suppose I will never have an answer to that question, ever.

I look forward to seeing uncle in the morning. My day would light up knowing that he has been well throughout the night and is getting healthier every day. I am the only doctor whom he says thank you and smile to, probably due to the fact that I would take every opportunity to say 'hi uncle, how are u doing?'. The sentences i say most to him would be, 'Uncle, still itchy a not?' and 'Uncle, I said you cannot scratch on the wound right, your skin wont heal la uncle, promise me ok?' The latter was said today and he replied ' Sorry sorry doctor, I promise you.'

Today I attempted to talk him out of drinking, putting my psychiatry teaching into some use. ' I tried before and I keep failing. You dont waste your time talking to me, i will just fail you, like how i failed other doctors.' he said. My heart sank, I didnt know how to reply. 'Uncle, it doesnt matter if you fail, the fact that you tried, I am really proud of you already.' I said. I triggered some emotion of his, he just said 'thank you so much doctor.' I meant every word i said.

My first conversation with aunty lasted for about an hour. It was suppose to last for only 10 minutes but I just set aside 1 hour of my time for her, because I think it is worth it. Aunty was telling me how much pain she went through, how terrible her life has become since the last 10 years. Despite all the trouble, she is always so positive and cheerful. I asked her if she has anyone to turn to or even talk to when she is upset, her reply was 'Yes i do, myself?' ands she ended with a smile. My heart sank. That was when I gave her an hour of my time just to let her rant. Amazingly, she will always end each complain with something really sweet. For example, uncle has deteriorating memory, he forgets when he had his meals. After she told me that, she said this 'But he never forget me la'. True love, I think i finally met true love. Stay strong aunty and do take care of your health.

Due to their financial constrains, i stayed back today and looked all over for programmes that aid in kicking away addictions, that doesnt require them to pay. Unfortunately, I failed. Social workers are my last hope. Will be speaking to them during lunch hours, lets hope all goes well. I wish i can do more, but for now, I shall just pray that things will go our way tomorrow.

This incident makes it more certain that I really wanna be a gp. My patients can come back to me any time without needing to be admitted to the hospital or pay costly hospital bills! I aim to reach out to more people, seeing them happy makes me happy too.

easily satisfied

2 simple sentences:

1) Yap, i agree

2) If can we Vc tmr =)

Just these 2 statement and I am on cloud nine. =) Thanks for making my day and making these 5 days of torture all worth it!

Clarity, by Zedd. Did not like the song initially but i started to fall for it. It has a really nice beat and it does get really addictive. I would highly recommend this song when you guys are doing your work out, it does boost your energy.

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

If our love is insanity, why are you my clarity?

If you like someone you think you have a chance with, don't let it get away. -truestory =)

Graduation

I realised that I did not blog anything regarding graduation. Hence i decided to dedicate this post to my dear family =) Loads of thanks to my mother and my sister who went through hell to ensure that I am able to complete my 5 years of medical degree, and finally being a doctor. I hope that I will do well and make them proud. Thanks mama and jie jie, love you guys loads. Many thanks to my always annoying brother who never fails to wish me good luck and constantly forcing me to get 1 hons, sorry I'm not good enough. Wasnt able to live up to your expectation but I will become a famous doctor, making you proud! Thanks xiu hui for attending my graduation ceremony, really appreciate it. Spent so much of your money traveling to europe, feels like you are already part of the family =)

Looking at the photos, i realised that mummy has indeed aged. Wrinkles have started appearing and she can no longer walk as much as she used to. Age is indeed catching up. 5 years have passed indeed. Hope that my mummy will lead a blissful and healthy life as she so deserves it. Couldnt ask for a better mother, she is indeed the best. =)

Really love this picture, graduation ball. All the girls look so pretty and the guys are all so handsome! =) Taking this opportunity to thank LP aka my chows for all theses years. All the ups and downs have definitely shaped us into what we are today. Thanks for not choosing to leave me when things turned so sour. Thanks for being the best travel buddy i can ask for. We are entering another phase of our lives, so much more uncertainty ahead of us. Lets hope that we will both do really well and that teo wai clinic will not only be a dream, but a reality. Road ahead will be tough and scary, i have no idea what to expect too, but we both know that the day to conform will come and it scares us. Lets home things will work out somehow and like you say, we should just treasure the moment and no regrets. Thanks for everything LP. Love you loads!

silly chows

This is definitely an event to remember. i requested a self picture from lp (he seldom takes self pic unless it is to cheer me up or he just wanna do something really random), he reluctantly took one and sent it to me. The picture was so funny that i literally LOL in coffee bean. After I told him what happened, he said 'I look ugly camphor, so i dont do it, lol, ewww'. Epic. I always thought he just doesnt like taking photos of himself but now i know the real reason why! Its alright, i will be your camwhore buddy ok? =) The mystery as to why he likes taking photos but not cam-whoring himself is finally  solved.

HAHAHA! I am still laughing when i am looking at this picture. Love you loads chows! haha.

Met weitin in the MRT today. Went to get sushi and sis sent her home today. HAHA, its amazing how fate brings 2 people together without even planning. The haze was so bad today and I have been complaining to her about it. See Weitin i wasnt over thinking, the PSI went up to 290 man! Im a walking PSI machine =) *smirk*

Thanks chin for studying with me today! hehe. more studying session to come?!?!?!  =) love u!

An event to remember

Had one of the more adventurous day with Pugster today. Our journey back from Penang on a bus was definitely one that is filled with 'excitement'.  Firstly, we got downgraded into the 27 seater bus instead of the luxurious 17 seater bus which we were being promised. To make it worse, the bus was infested with houseflies that were constantly giving us their tender kisses. I had lost count how many times they woke me up from my beauty sleep. In addition, the aircon was leaking on my side too and not forgetting the bus not being able to enter singapore because the road tax has expired. Gosh it was definitely one of the worse traveling experience ever.

Fortunately, the few days in penang made it all worth it. Times we spent together, getting to know each other better and see how others have progressed in their life. 5 years have passed, we all grew up and we changed. For the worse or better? to each his/her own i suppose.

Am gonna miss the nights i tell pugster 'eh pugster i cannot sleep la (even if it is 3 am)' or pushing her bed away from mine when she is being annoying. All these little memories will be deeply embedded into me, and lets hope that dementia or alzheimer does not steal them from me! =) Thanks pugster for pei-ing me to pg, i really had loads of fun, i hope u did too.

My little chow chow has been really busy recently but yet he never fails to take some time off to keep me entertained! =) thanks my chows and I cant wait to see you soon! Will be watching superman with my chows! wheeee, excited to the max. Thanks for everything and always believing in me chows! =)

Just finished watching ah boys to man 2 with chin chin! good movie, brought back lots of memories of our army days. Chin pointed out a few mistakes in the movie, indeed he is a pes b warrior! =) Proud of you! Thanks for coming over despite having such bad haze! =) appreciate it! =) see you tomorrow, must get you a really nice suit tomorrow!

every little things

So our time in dublin has come to an end. time flies, year 5 has ended and I am finally a doctor, or should i say a doctor in name. Thank you guys for all the support these 5 years, life would have been more miserable without you guys. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The thing i would miss most about dublin would definitely be the time i spend with lp. Those times we spent munching on snacks, studying in the library, teasing each other, taking histories and much more will all just become a memory, hopefully it would not become a distant one. Without lp, my life in dublin would be miserable. He aided in shaping me into who I am today,  and making me believe that sometimes miracle happens. He sent me a picture of him outside the cinema and said  ' i went to the cinema jst cause of the unforgettable awesome memories'. my heart melted, thanks for appreciating everything we have, I know its really hard on you to say such stuff! appreciate it loads. Thanks for putting down your ego just for me, love you forever my little chow chow wanna be! =) will be seeing you soon!

'Tonight supper?' was the first thing he asked. Yap, we know who this brilliant fella is. For some reason , i told lp that i am sure chin would ask me out for supper on the day itself! and guess what? it really did happen! =) 'gay partner for life' he said. Congratulation chin for being as amazing as always. Hope you will do well and excel in the field, own those india and china people alright?

Piggy! cant wait for you to get back! thanks for always entertaining my full of drama life and always bringing a smile to my face when  I am down. really appreciate it loads. Lets hope that you can find the love of your life soon too yea? =) kiwi season is ending, or has it already ended? Yet something is still on going, getting stronger as time passes. Thanks for all your advices piggy, i love u loads too! =)

Ai ya, time to fly soon le! LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS AND SEE U SOON!

Annoyingly sweet

'eh i go off to sleep first, heading off to rome, if got wifi i bully you.'  Glad you know that you are constantly bullying me! however, thanks for keeping all the promises that you made. =)

miracle

somehow, it did happen. Never would have dreamt of this day, it really came. There is gonna be a rough road ahead but I know it's gonna be worth it. Thanks for everything, april 22 is indeed a special day =).

Eventful day

Alright, today started off really badly. I had diarrhoea early in the morning at 4 am! Woke up late and needed to cab to school. Accidentally dropped my Beaumont hospital assess card and could not find it. How much worse can my day get, like seriously =_=

Oh a brighter note, I managed to retrieve my card and a friend of mine sent me a super sweet message!

'Knowing you is one of the best thing that happened in med school' she said. Though I was caught off guard when she jokingly said that she is my 'girlfriend', who knows maybe that might actually happen? =)

Hmmm, i suppose there are things whereby we are not proud of and would try to play it down or keep it from others. Lets hope that you will overlook those issues and be proud of what we have. Cos.. I would gladly tell the world what we have but im sure u wouldn't :p

Oh ya! I dreamt that piggy and I were made a couple in this television show! haha. super funny and i couldn't stop laughing after i woke up from my sleep! Piggy I love u! =)

Today, I told my dad I love him over face time =) Well that was secondary to him getting me a graduation gift but it felt really good telling him that. He started smiling when I said that. Looking back, when was the last time i told daddy i love him... I dont think i ever did.

PAPA i love u!!! =) Thanks for everything!

Lp da ren

Wheee, my cutie pie Panda. Drew this for Lp to cheer him up, hope he likes it. He always claim that he is as cute as a panda =_= Im sure my panda is cuter!!

Alright, my drawing definitely pales in comparison with his. Well, I will slowly but surely become better at drawing (if that's possible) =) Thanks for always cheering me up and never giving up on me. Im glad you came into my life.

ps: I love you guys too! Life will be so miserable without you guys! Random chat on bui bui nom nom never fail to brighten up my day! LOVE U GUYS! 爱死你们了！

fake

My tolerance for fake people is getting to an all time low. I hate myself for being fake and dislike my attempts to be nice to people whom i dont really like. 'You used to have that skill last time' said piggy. I think I did, but I kinda lose it along the way. Why cant people just be honest? Or maybe we have to be fake to do well in life.

little bubble of ours

So many things happened recently. It makes me appreciate all my friends I have back home a lot more. Thank you guys for constantly messaging me and keeping me up to date about the lives you guys are leading. Random 'meow meow' text from chin chin is also greatly appreciated. Thanks for making me feel loved and not forgotten and it really means the world to me. I am glad that I have you guys, quality over quantity.

I have decided to adopt a new approach. I am going into a bubble and only include people that are worthy of my time. Like what piggy told me, we dont have so much time to keep random people in our lives. Hence, its either you are in, or you are out. Those that are out of the bubble, sorry but I really do not give a damn about you guys and your opinions anymore. I lead my life the way i want to, you guys wont be with me for the rest of my life, so it doesnt matter what you guys think. peace out!

'tbh, you are the next person i love most after my parents.' dropping random sweetest stuff again. However,  sorry if i have been unknowingly hurting you and always making you feel insecure about your position in my life. We have gone through lots of nonsense together, quarreled and yet promised to hold each other's hand for the rest of our life. I am really really sorry for not being sensitive, I will learn yea? Sorry for making you cry last week, and I hope you will keep your promise of not crying because of me unnecessarily ever again.

思念

Was looking through old photos on Facebook, had so much fun when I was back in Singapore. Miss you guys so much.... cant wait for our random outings again. All i can do is to anticipate... Back to my boring gallbladder disease....

hamnie

23 Feb 2012, hamnie has moved on to a better place, a place where he has his infinite supply of sunflower seeds. Roughly 4 years has passed, he had lead a long life for a hamster i would say. I will never forget the small hole on his left ear, which he probably got it from a losing fight with his siblings. Memories of the little cutie kept flooding into my mind when I received the news of his death. Part of me felt happy as I suppose he can finally move on to a better place and not being tied down by those massive lumps which looks like tumor to me. He was so healthy and active when i left for dublin, I thought he would have lasted longer. Its saddening that I wasn't there when he moved on, but one thing for sure, he will be my one and only hamnie. No plans on getting another hamster as he has and will always be the best hamster I ever had.

Thanks for coming into my life, I will never forget how picky u are when it comes to food. How you fell off the wheel when you curled up into a ball to sleep. The cute position you adopt when I feed you your favorite apple treat and fresh apples. You will be greatly missed and I am sure that at least 2 people will remember you forever. 天下无不散的宴席。I certainly hope that you will be proudly sharing your stories about us with your friends up above. Once again, I love you loads and I will really miss you.

hamnie, 你要记得我. 你不要走丢, 快快找到天使,在天堂给我保佑. 我爱你

我哭了。。。hamnie, 我们一起加油吧！你要勇敢，不要走丢。

Din DIn

Dinner with Lp, lets hope all these good times will last forever. And stop being shameless to the max, there is a limit to one's patience! :p

Maybe I can do well

Last saturday, I had my ACLS course examination. The examiners said 'This fella is a driver and is a consultant.' They made the scenario way more complicated than it was suppose to be. 'I suppose he had all the boxes ticked, hasn't he?' she asked. I was proud of myself, after so long. I will strive to work harder, there is something in me that i have yet discover.

helpless

Upset, demoralized and feeling that life sucks. I dont know what I can do to make you feel better. I suppose being your silent pillar for now will be sufficient. Get up soon my friend, it sucks to see you in this state.

the great ang to me

Wow, where do I even begin? Everything happened 4 years ago, when I met you in a surgical workshop. Although it was just a brief meeting, we ended up being best pals due to having similar interest. Throughout these years, you have played a major role in my life. Your ability to show kindness and gentleness in every situation never ceases to amaze me as it takes a lot to test your patience. Remember the fun times we had together? The Europe trips we had during the holidays, the heart-to-heart talk sessions, the clinical competencies practice sessions and etc!!! I hope in future you will still be the pillar of my life, continue supporting me through difficult times. Thanks for being an invaluable presence in my life.

thanks jg! you are amazing too =)

snow

'It might snow today!' my friend said. I recalled my first snowing experience and you were here with me =) had a small argument that night but we ended up hugging each other to sleep. Such memories help keep me warm during winter =) thanks.

yet another sweet and random moment

Teo Hon Wei 4:46 PM
lol
4:46 PM
wts
4:46 PM
u siao one
4:47 PM
you dont need anyone la
4:47 PM
u just need ur ortho goddess
4:47 PM
can le
4:47 PM
hahaha
4:47 PM
world complete

Joey 4:49 PM
NO
4:49 PM
i still need others
4:50 PM
like honteo, rara <3 ahahahaahah="ahahahaahah" dandan="dandan" p="p">4:50 PM
name 3 for example
4:50 PM
+ goddess
4:50 PM
RARARARARARARARARARA how can i forget my cutsie baby
4:54 PM
how can u belittle urself so much
4:54 PM
my world how to b complete with just 1 chamber of heart filled
4:54 PM
LOL

Thanks for the constant reassurance. I am insecure about our friendship, but you always bring me down to reality and not think too much =) thanks and i sincerely hope the goddess is the right one for you. Hope she does not end up hurting you =)

london to dublin

5:45. Finally arrived in London, cleared the customs and security checks. Thankfully, the airport is rather empty. I am currently sipping coffee with Joey at Ristorante-Pizzerian and Caffé and Bar. Hot white Americano, yea piggy they do not sever ice Americano here in London. Americano itself can bring that so much memories, fortunately, pleasant memories.

2013 has began, wonder what this new year holds for us. Chin and I will be graduating, if everything goes well that is. Piggy will embark on her amazing journey in search for her long lost farmer’s son. Unfortunately, that would mean that I may or may not be able to meet up with her when I am back for good. She texted ‘ I will see you when I see you. :(‘ Such simple words made my heartache, stomach quenched when I read it. I do hope we will meet up really soon and have all those random moment and laughter once again. Once again, I wish you all the best piggy.

Lp Wai is currently playing his lame game, ‘candy rush’.  Gosh, this game is definitely gaining some popularity as many requests to play this game have been sent to me. Gets kind of annoying at times I would say. He said something really cute not too long ago. ‘Wa liao, we spent 2 years on the plane.’ As much as I wanted to slap him, he is right in a way. Thanks to Lp wai, the journey to London became less lonely as it is filled with his nonsense and random moments. Thank goodness he loves the case I got him =) Fits his phone really well I would say. In a nut shell, I rock! :p

As time passes by, crowd started surfacing. Once again, I am in a country when I become the minority. =( No more Asian eye candies, but who cares, lets welcome lao wai eye candies! Different colour but they can be equally yummy.

Was really touched when I saw Jia Seng in the airport yesterday. Never would it have cross my mind that he would send me off. Though we only met two times in total, he actually made such a kind gesture. Indeed chin, he is an excellent friend of yours, one to keep, that’s for sure. Hope he can get his scholarship and excel in his occupation! Can’t wait to have another meet up with him too =)

Co Co came this time round, really did kind of take me aback. Thanks co-co for coming though you had to work yesterday and will be on call on New Year day. Action appreciated. Let’s hope that this is the last time you will be sending me off to Ireland yea, keeping fingers crossed. Will try to be a good HO if possible, and you should probably change your mindset from ‘screwing’ me to ‘helping’ a cute friend =) thanks once again.

Lastly! Chin chin, thanks for always sending me off without fail. Thank you so much and I sure hope this will be the last time ah. Maybe the next time I see you, you will be in Ireland? Keeping fingers cross =) Will miss those random outings and study session, not forgetting the constant eating. Thanks for the really sweet card and yea, friends forever chin! =)

Lastly, to you. Thanks for giving me the courage to move on and put an official closure to things between us. I am in the wrong for not setting things straight and probably created some false hope. So, now that all is over, thanks for sending me the whatsapp messages and ya I will keep all the memories that we had dearly in my heart too. Wishing you a happy New Year and hope you will be able to find the right one for you. You are not a lousy friend, we are all lousy friend, hence it really doesn’t matter. =)

PS: damn it, I forgot to bring my puini and dini! Hoping my parents will send them over to me if not I will be having sleepless nights already! =( emo max.